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The sunrise giving warmth to a chilly morning. New leaves  sprouting, buds blooming into flowers so beautiful that no words are enough to express the emotions we feel upon seeing their beauty all signal the arrival of spring. NEW SEASON. NEW BEGINNINGS.

More than four months of sleepless nights filled with anxiety and frustration, I am finally heading back to the Aegean region of Turkey to retrieve my son Enzo. (refer to my blog Finding Enzo)

Till it happens to you, you don’t know how it feels to be separated from your child who is barely a couple of years old. Putting myself in the child’s shoes, I could not imagine either the pain and trauma that he had to go through during this whole separation from his mother. There’s not a single day that I didn’t try so hard to dodge the thought of my son. Each time I see his face in my mind or hear his voice in my head I feel like I’m going to fall apart. This sort of pain is unbearable; however, hearing his older brother say how much he misses him and constantly making me promise to get him back must be the most excruciating pain of all I had ever had in my entire existence. His older brother is the closest thing I have to him. No photograph could ever fill the void in my heart and whole being. There were instances when I wished I could be less human so that even just for a single moment I could have the liberty to feel numb or have a short term amnesia rather and then perhaps my appetite and sleeping would come back to normal.

It all looks pretty chaotic from where I am standing but with unwavering hope and determination during the past four months I am eventually reaping the fruits of my labor. TODAY is the day I have been waiting for! I am onboard the bus on my way to Izmir, approximately 8 hours from the capital Ankara. Izmir was chosen by the consulate in cooperation with the Philippine Embassy to be my base and there I am to meet with the authorities (and hopefully a translator) to accompany me to Aydin to retrieve my son Enzo. Hopefully tracking down Enzo’s location won’t take long. Nervousness and excitement are overpowering me; on the contrary, I must stay in focus and keep a level head. When you have been through a lot of storms, you get to learn to be FEARLESS. After all, this thing we call LIFE consists of something I rather refer to as TURBULENCE to shake us up…but the good news is TURBULENCE shakes us up before it brings SOMETHING TRANSFORMATIONAL, NEW AND INCREDIBLE into our lives. Being on this bus right now feels like a dream but yes it is true I am finally having this journey to HOLD MY SON IN MY ARMS AGAIN!

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